Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Apparently you make a good broom.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
