Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
