Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
