I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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