In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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