y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
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