how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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