i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
