I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
