Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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