Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
