My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
