On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
