i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
