Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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