Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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