Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
