Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
