Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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