I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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