True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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