I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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