don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
