Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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