dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
porn star boner night. come get it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
