He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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