Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
