so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
