Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
