If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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