I skipped work to stalk him.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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