Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
