lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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