bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he puts the penis in happiness.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
