Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We are all done wearing pants today
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
