So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
