my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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