she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
