SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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