Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
