The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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