Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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