I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
