i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
