"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
