Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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