So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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