grandma shit on top of the toilet
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
