my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
