Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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