when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
