apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
