even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
