He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she peed on how many people?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
