He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize