I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
