I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
