i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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