i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize