Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
