dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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