You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
