her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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