i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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