you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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