i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
