I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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