So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
