Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
