What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
