Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
