ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
