You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
