She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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