Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
