with your own penis?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
