You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize