They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
