Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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