I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
