Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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