I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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