I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
