I think I died a long time ago.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
