i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
