Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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