drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
