you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
