She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
