I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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