I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
