stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
