I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
