I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
