True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
