I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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