Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Dear god my vagina.
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