Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
