you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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