these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
