So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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