NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
