I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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