Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
