My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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