Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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