whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
