i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
