He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
