oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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