oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
