I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
