i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
