Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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