on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
