i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
