Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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